New year, no goals
Do away with goals (for now) and set your intention for the year with just one word
Perfectionistic goal-setting doesn’t work
Towards the end of last year I made a commitment to myself that if my thoughts went anywhere near compiling new year’s resolutions then I was going to need a radically different way of approaching them.
In previous years I would zealously set a mountain of lofty goals, force them into an impossible daily routine and then punish myself all the way through January until I’d collapse by February, losing the will to accomplish anything. Of course this approach was destined to fail.
Setting goals in this way has created a joyless expectation that has not served me well. But the desire to make certain changes in my life is still there. So what do I do? Tapping into my berating self to chivvy me along through the year can’t be the only option, so I want to see whether I can turn resolutions from a senseless pursuit into something, dare I say, fun, joyous and playful.
At this point in the year I’m intrigued by the different stances people take on resolutions. This year’s commentary seems to be shifting from ‘New year, new you’ to more low key pleas of ‘Don’t suck’. From my standpoint I’m done with the idea of wholesale change, but I want to imagine I can enjoy something more than the absence of life sucking.
Take a moment to step away from goals and focus on what’s important
In fact, in some ways, what I’m hoping for is not really about changing myself and achieving goals. After the last (nearly) four years, I have a strong urge to return to myself and to the things that make me happy. Since the pandemic started my sense of connection to others has suffered and my world has become smaller - I miss people, and being present, and spending time in nature, and learning, and writing, and making things. While the necessity to isolate and work remotely is now fading, life in colour hasn’t really returned.
In other words, I want to live more intentionally and regain (and discover) those relationships and experiences I love. And to do this in a way that isn’t hell but actually fun and sustainable beyond Spring and into the rest of the year.
Year of the Habit - a new way to approach new year’s resolutions
This attempt is a project that I’ve rather cheesily called, Year of the Habit. It’s inspired by what I lost during the pandemic, and also those things I reconnected with or discovered during the first UK lockdown. It’s an experiment to understand how I would like my life to look day to day and how I get there - with my hope of this being a joyful process.
There is already a lot of brilliant guidance available on habit-forming, productivity, creativity and relationship-building: my aim is to compile some of the best recommendations out there, experiment and learn what works and share any gems as I go.
If the stress of new year expectations and harsh goal setting feels relatable then I invite you to read on and see for yourselves how a new approach might also work for you.
What’s your word for the year?
As I explored the various advice for resolutions, I was pleased to see that one of my favourite psychotherapists (yes, this happens when you read a lot about living with intention) doesn’t do well with goals, rules and restrictions for the new year. Instead, Esther Perel’s invitation is to conjure a feeling or state - in her case she’s chosen hopefulness - and consider how this might be lived through action and integration into routines and rituals.
As a starting point, this resonates with me more than just jumping straight into setting goals. Hope acts like an anchor for our actions and choices. What would living with a hopeful outlook look like day to day? What would the hopeful choice look like? What would it take to practise hope? How would that become part of a daily ritual? How could I turn it into a habit?
Similarly, you could see hope as a value that’s important to you - if you’re trying a new habit, or working towards a goal, or when you’re interacting with others you can ask, ‘Is how I’m behaving coming from a sense of hope? Will this help me feel more hopeful?’
Of course the word doesn’t have to be ‘hope’ - the important thing is choosing a way of being that you would like to embody more. In a recent video from Action for Happiness, they suggest words like joy, peace and kindness can all be a positive intention behind your choices and actions. A quick way to check whether you’re living that intention is to ask yourself ‘Will this action help or harm me in trying to show more kindness?’. And if you’re looking for similar advice in podcast form, then check out The Daily Pep! (episode 728), which recommends choosing a word for the year to help you stay grounded and motivated throughout the year.
On reflection I chose the word ‘joy’ and I have to say it has become a bit of a beacon for me as I navigate putting some new habits in place. I’ll share more on the habits I’ve chosen next time, but before then, I invite you to reflect for yourself:
What is your word for the year?
Which of the words that you’ve come up with excites you the most?
Which word feels like the truest description of the intention you want to set this year?
Next time from Year of the Habit…
I’ll share some reflections on returning to myself and working out exactly who that is.
